Self-Love- a concept that has been buried alive. All you need to know about Self-love throughout the history

Love- based self-love

Love is the only common language every creature on earth know how to speak it, and It’s the only language we as creatures don’t need to study it or have a manual to guide us towards “how to learn it”.

Self-Love promoted throughout the history for creating a comfortable and peaceful life

Over the centuries, Love is being simply demonstrated in the context of poetry, songs, love stories, and plays. and it seems stories have the best preference in conveying this attribute, as the stories can live through centuries, to never be forgotten, and to be carried  from one generation to another, for instance,  in the western world this can be known as a popular play by William Shakespeare, called Romeo and Juliet, likewise Arab world too has several stories demonstrate love, lived for many centuries and still live, example for that, Layla and Majnun story, although people wouldn’t like to go through such an experience which those stories mentioned  it, and yet, people seem extremely enjoying read these stories though, as love represented No.1 the most important aspect of their lives.

Now, being in a such society, where love defined as a basic root to get into a relationship with someone else, or to improve what is already a person has, It’s clearly important if one wants to conduct such an attribute, there must be  another person get  involved to complete the picture, because love simply can’t be found  if no one share you this feeling, whether as a friend,  a lover, a husband or a wife, or anything.

The question here is what if a person loves oneself? What we can call it then?

Self-Love
Self-Love promoted in world war II to create a positive environment for who witnessed it

There’re a largely  series of events happened in 1563, as this date, while I was reading the most important events happened at that time, revealed to me it  represented the first emergence  of self-love concept, after that, came  world war II  which had been already managed to steal from people who witnessed it their confidence for building a more fulfilling and prosperity life after they left vulnerable and unable to continue living their lives, when they doubted their abilities to survive again through this hardship, and it seemed this concept promoted to give them the sense of being alive again and the ability to start over from the scratch  after the  devastating consequences of the war.

These we call it, protests took a procedure in lots of countries, and it was initially started to end the war as a primary mission then promoted as a hidden mission to encourage people to trust themselves in order to build a brighter future and positively changing the environment where they live in. Because it turned out to them no one can live through these damaging conditions without being doomed.

Next came another popular event which took place in 1960s, this event hasn’t been important for all people except for a group called themselves Hippie or hippy, they are a group of youth violated the basic rules of their societies to build theirs owns, for instance, they have special music to listen to which called it  psychedelic music, encouraged the sexual revolution, what’s more, they used drugs such as marijuana, LSD, etc. to help them to be conscious. Now, apparently this movement used self-love firstly, to promote their movement and most all to encourage themselves to live their life without the need of others people around them, and that means they had to accept themselves while doing these unacceptable behaviors that all the societies around the world execrated.

Self-Love it’s a hidden support for giving women their rights

Again happened a life-changing event, which created another reflection, people used it to view and grasp this newly invading concept with a more positive way rather than the previous view, when women started to feel the need of being recognized by the society and being equally treated as their opposite sex, they started to promote a new movement which took place in 19th century, which simply led to the emergence of the feminist movement, and they used this movement simply  to fight for their rights, and to eliminate all the difficulties and struggles the societies put them through. But particularly for this movement, Self-love is played a major role in building self-confidence, and self-esteem for unseen women’s abilities by the societies. And eventually, they successfully achieved all the necessary rights they claimed to have.

Black is beautiful movement this what black people needed to regain their regard between who they against them

on the other hand, the 1970s has been a savior years for colored people, when they started to promote equality and acceptance, for black people to live and get along with white people, and under the title of black is beautiful, they clearly want to deliver the message of being black has no effect on their personalities and confidence, and they can survive even with unacceptable, bad treatment and rejection actions from white people.

They wanted to regain their self-worth and self-esteem by loving oneself, and by valuing themselves without looking to how their color looks different from the others, after all, skin colors never define a person.

What’s self-love?

When we read all these life-event-stories which took place in the past, there are lots of meaning of self-love for each event separately, however, its purpose clearly kept the same along those events,

But it conveys the meaning of appreciation and valuing oneself in order to reflect that on the other aspects of one life.

what’s important here though without this concept, a person can’t see himself deserve anything in life, this negatively view can lead to a serious consequences by oneself, According to the American Association of Suicidology, when they revealed the number of people who committed suicides in 2015 and soon they discovered that this a huge rate of suicides, is mostly had been affected by low self-esteem and lack of self-love, Also they summarized the definition of self-love as being

“beliefs about oneself (self-based self-esteem) and beliefs about how other people regard oneself (other-based self-esteem)”.

another action had been taken to positively change the poorly and darkly view of self-love by Eric Fromm when he first started to fix the concept of self-love by addressing in his book ” The Art of loving” dated back in 1956 saying

in order to be able to truly love another person, a person first needs to love oneself in the way of respecting oneself and knowing oneself (e.g. being realistic and honest about one’s strengths and weaknesses).

In a similar way, movements toward correcting the wrong idea about self-love are greatly increased by many individuals like Erik H. Erikson when wrote in 1964 a post-narcissistic appreciation of the value of the ego. In fact, self-love in early first discovered had been used as therapy to regain a comfortable life by someone being proud of being oneself.

Another great definition has been discovered by A.P Gregg and C. Sedikides in 2003 as

“referring to a person’s subjective appraisal of himself or herself as intrinsically positive or negative”.

however, you can grasp self-love when William James put it accurately in a theory and Robert H. Wozniak later demonstrated this theory by measuring self-esteem which is self-love in disguise

“… three different but interrelated aspects of self: the material self (all those aspects of material existence in which we feel a strong sense of ownership, our bodies, our families, our possessions), the social self (our felt social relations), and the spiritual self (our feelings of our own subjectivity)”.

there had been and still, a fine line between self-love and selfishness or egotism which led to confusingly perceived self-love in people’s eyes, started when Cicero claimed those who love themselves are the failure. Moreover, Augustine considered that the sin of pride was only a perversion of a normal, more modest degree of self-love.

Creating a bridge where you can start building a fresh relationship between you and yourself

Self-Love is to love yourself and care about her- never interrelated with Selfishness

Self-love is a giving attribute, it will never  come to an end, and you will never feel full, when I looked  up the meaning of it in  The Merriam-Webster dictionary to see what’s self-love means, I read “love of self-means:

A: Conceit

B: regard for one’s own happiness or advantage

I got back to what Francis Bacon in his support to what Cicero about self-lovers, and went to describe them as those who would burn down their own home, only to roast themselves an egg. I reach to conclude that,

Apparently what he meant those who focus on acquiring something regardless of the methods they used, whether could harm or damage others people, they are egoist or selfish, on the other hand, self-lovers are those who focus on the valuing and appreciating  themselves regardless of what people have been already viewing them, or have been treating them.

Self-Love is self-esteem based and Self-worth

Self-love is a concept that has been buried for a small, simple reason, which is an unethical attribute, led people to hide their feelings about themselves, and  consider it that as a taboo, never mention it in public or speak up about it.

Happiness as a feeling can basically be generated within oneself; So when you are happy you can simply channel it to other people. Also, happiness is a choice and it’s a lifestyle through which you demonstrate your behaviors towards yourself and the others, likewise loving oneself can be manifested in lots of areas of one’s life, social life can be at the top of them.

 self-love is treating oneself as a human being, and it’s the acceptance of oneself with what one has and has not, accept of oneself both in their fail times or wins times. Those definitions of self-love have led me to ask a more crucial and profound question which is

how one feels rejected by oneself can seek acceptance from the others?

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Not a story but an experience

Lately, I fell into the trap of being judgy.

I judged someone, so harshly that, he started to feel pain. I didn’t know that I was causing that pain and it’s my responsibility to ask for forgiveness.

I shared the story with my family, probably intended to view myself as free-from defects- human, free of deficiencies and all that stuff cause a human to be shamed, and afraid to speak out about it in public, I told them “ proudly and victoriously, that person……” is a bad person”.

However, it did not last long that instantaneous victory until my sister faced me with a question; which set the whole story to be told, she said “Rayan is that person really that bad, or this is just your reflection and your reaction of some attitudes or behaviors you don’t like him to have.

honestly, the question came to me as a shock, it waked me up…I shocked as if I am completely unaware of my saying, what’s more, I felt all of sudden, an electricity with 500v touched me, forced me to be awaken.

Knowing that you are Judgy person is a kick start to improve yourself.

Before I went to sleep while I was lying on the bed, thinking about the question for a quite long time, I’ve tried to close my eyes, and fall into a long-deep-sleep, apparently to run away from that inner voice, repeatedly saying to me…..” obviously the person who is a bad person, is not him, it is you!”

I’ve tried – helplessly to shut that voice up but I couldn’t, which went on saying “who you are at this point to judge people? A prophet maybe? Are you sure God is satisfied from you now? “Do you know any background about that person and what he’s facing right now?”…… lots of questions, I reach the point where I felt panic, it was the worst unpleasant feeling I’ve ever experienced.

And God! It took me an hour to sleep. Apparently, the influence of that voice teased me to the point where I unconsciously sent a nice-apologizing text so quick, to an extent I didn’t know I did it. Until I saw my finger pressed Enter to the text to be delivered.

Now the funny part here is, after I sent the text, I blocked the person. “So nice move”

However, the voice started to talk again saying: do you wanna escape from the fact you are a judgy person?, do you wanna escape from being rejected by that person In case he didn’t accept your nice- apology text. I got back again and unblock him. To my surprise, right after I sent the text, I fell into deep-long-sleep,

Now, here’s the kicker! When the morning came, there was a text from him popped up on my mobile screen saying, ” hahaha, please forget about yesterday, I don’t feel you did something bad for me. Plus, I don’t totally count that as a judgment, its okay, we are friends, what the heck! There’s no problem from the first place, why you did send that text, you weirdo!”.

I smiled, and cried at the same time, from the fact that we are human, kind creatures, we just need to accept each other without being judgy, and without noticing others people faults. According to the story of Adam and  Ave and what happened, I realized that If God want to create us, as pure-free of sins human,  he wouldn’t take the efforts to do that, as he already created angles” those creatures without sins”. However, we are human and we are totally different from those angles, In fact, the differences can be recognized from the moment, God created Adam. “Remember that story?”

Points I figured out after this great experience

  1.   I realized that judgment is a reflection of what we don’t want to see in a person, and ironically it is already on us. “Now you see!”
  2.      I realized that I was holding some stuff on my shoulders for quietly a very long time, eventually, the time has come to put it down.
  3.     Actually it’s time to free myself from those idealistic conceptions,  and instead of blocking that person, I have to block those stuff, in fact, I jailed myself and it’s time to un-jailed her, and I have to free her from thinking that “without sins, we are good, but with it, we are in real danger” However, I noticed, what’s dangerous here, is to restrict yourself to this theory, to lock yourself inside this realm forever, when, it’s totally right to be incomplete, to feel the ease if you did something wrong, and pat yourself saying “it’s okay, we are human, let’s try not to harm whom around us, and try again to make it right”.

You are Human means you are incomplete…..enjoy it! And learn from it

The freedom here means to be who you are without taking the efforts to improve or adjust other people to suit you, and conditioning them to be right. Plus you have to know that this is totally not your job. In fact, your job is to look at yourself and unlock the inner power you have inside to embrace your defects and embrace” rather than tolerate” other’s people defects or deficiencies. Because if you don’t do that, you’ll find someone lurks you, just as you do to other people, and remember it’s a reflection of what we don’t wanna see on other people and already has being manifest on their attitude or behavior.

    One last thing, who knows maybe, after all, the position of that person in God ‘eyes is higher than yours.

Inner Peace VS Inner perfectionist

sunset-2525181_1280

I recently started to realize the difference between both of these terms, and obviously, they both work to either cheer you up or put you down,

I would like to highlight the main difference between them, in order to know how they work and how you can avoid falling into the unknown trap of one of them, particularly in our work

– Generally, Inner Peace means or refers to being at peace or getting into a state of calmness, contentment, and satisfaction with yourself, basically, you can achieve that spiritually or doing any specific practice keeps you in the state of peace. Clearly some people viewed it that way, “ no matter what you do, what you’ve been through, what your accomplishments, you are fully satisfied with it, some included that taking actions out of your comfort zone, pretty much like challenging yourself to do stuff you afraid of, and the results would be the last thing that you’re looking after, so that means, you are completely content with what you did, you are looking for more, not for the outcomes but for changing your state of mind! and at the same time you are happy for stepping outside your usual spin, On the other hand, Inner perfectionist is the voice inside us telling us to do the things we intend to do perfect, with 100% free-error, clearly enough this term work on the reverse of the inner peace, we find ourselves became :

– Afraid of achieving something as long as we are after 100% perfect outcomes.

– An excellent procrastinator: “we think a lot of the tasks and how it can be done, and wait? What if I fail? Do I need to do it right now? This moment? Because y’know one hour is not enough for doing it perfectly, I probably would be screwed up, so I’ll find some time tackle the task?” You see, it’ll happen a lot.

– Not accepting challenges: We’ll tend to turn down every opportunity that shows up on our way because we are not ready enough and it is still not very yet.

What should you do to avoid your Inner perfectionist?

– simply tune off the inner perfectionist, and do the exact same opposite of the points mentioned above

Three Quick things you have to do on Fridays

Get rid of the to-do list: 

Over years and years this tech. has been proven its effectiveness in all life areas of hundreds of people. But No, not any more on the weekends especially on the Fridays, because, every time I set the to do list on the Fridays, other people will show up just to ruin it right away, after I’ve set it, like relatives showing up at the wrong times, *(the sort of society we are living now, no calls for a visit, just a sudden one)* I used to called it unexpected- relatives monsters attacks- because it turns out it’s not a kind – how do you do kind of visit, and somehow you have to sacrifice your to-do list and give them the whole day for listening to the nonsense. Which will eventually lead you to frustrate and panic over why I give up on my- to-do list. So no – to do list will stand to face these attacks anymore. I knocked off the idea of- to do list- just to not feel the PAIN of not accomplishing ANYTHING PERSONAL, on the Fridays.

Aim for helping others:  

So every time on the working days, people ask you to help them on something, you have to face a trouble of saying no, because you’ve already managing to do other stuff, more important than them, so no more of that feeling of being between two choices( rude- kind), just say no, A HELL- PROFESSIONAL NO, I honestly understand that he/she is a friend and you don’t want to him/her seems jerk to ask you for a help, so responding so kindly that you will be available on Friday at 9:00 PM would be a great solution for that problem.

Yourself:

Dedicate some time for yourself, on that day to evaluate yourself, get more sleeping hours than usual days, set some plans for the next week, decide to not plug in into any social media platforms, which I call it “ brain – destroyers”, it turns out those tools have taken us away from our humanity” in fact If you can take on a diet on Fridays to NOT touch anything digital, then do it, dare to go, it’s not easy I know, but, sometimes the only solution of facing the unexpected things is by cutting lose those digital tools.

Finally, ONE LAST piece: I hope this will serve you a lot for a better and fulfilled life, actually If you can schedule a time for reading a a book, just do it, it would be a hardcore decision you make it on Fridays, and a way to improve your Language skill, expand your vocabulary and gain more other skills related to other aspects of your life.

Rayan. A.A

Freelance Translator: English|Arabic

Things I learned In 2017

I follow the same ritual every year for having a list of the things that I thought they are the most important things happened to be as lessons learned through 360 days.

But 2017 seemed to be different from the past years and I just figured out why.

Basically, when you try out lots of things regardless of the results whether they are positive or negative, that means you learned something. and from learning, we will improve, even though, if there’s a negative outcome.

2017 made me realized that if I didn’t try out lots of stuff, I wouldn’t have experienced the real taste of life, the life from the inside, the part that will never reveal itself unless you experience it.

If I would be summed up all the lessons I’ve learned through those 360 days into just three words would be ” Make yourself vulnerable”.

here is my list goes:

1/ time, time, time, time, time, don’t apply the law of abundance in time.

2/ Sometimes you don’t need to explain your behaviors as long as you know what it means.

3/ Never pay compliments to anyone.

4/Always pray Allah for the hidden and apparent blessings.

5/ always holding on to your stuff.

6/ Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

7/ Have a quality time with your family.

8/ Cleanse up the environment surrounded you from negativities.

9/ Don’t sell yourself for the sake of money.

10/ Be brave to say your opinion even though no one agrees with you.

11/ Be you.

12/ Don’t look back, because what is passed is gone.

13/ Don’t hesitate to ask for help.

14/ Learn something new every week.

15/ Thanks yourself for reaching this current stage in your life with you and appreciate her efforts for working in pursuing what you seek.

16/ Remember a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

17/ Crying is useful and does not mean that you are weak.

18/ Forgive and never blame anyone, be a good-natured face.

19/ Happiness comes from the inside.

20/Money does not mean everything.

21/ What you own now is the most important thing, so appreciate this

22/ Chance comes once and never repeats itself again, so be ready to receive it.

23/Remember this an empty hand has nothing to give, so start working on yourself first.

24/experience comes with practice.

25/Always take the initiative

26/Sometimes you have to regret to avoid repeating the same mistake once again.

27/Don’t rush into making any decision when you are in your worst situations.

28/Don’t feel sorry, sometimes some people take advantage of you at this point.

29/Wake up early to enjoy morning’s blessings

30/Help others with the simplest things.

31/Organize your stuff and your ideas in order to become easy to reach as the time you need them.

32/Seek aid from God even in the smallest things.

33/Listen to your inner voice.

34/Patience, patience, patience.

35/adhere to your principles.

36/Charge yourself spiritually and then face the world.

37/Don’t look at  the other’s bowl.

38/Sometimes you have to let go of an idea in order to make it work.

39/try to focus on one goal every year or two, chunk it up into small goals and achieve one of them every week, make your slogan always be“focusing” on just one goal, be skilled at it, and then start a new one related to the one that you achieved already, don’t rush the results, work with deliberation to get the result you seek. Be patience while you are learning, and work hard with persistency….. Remember this “Wishing never makes dreams come true but rather hard work is what you want to achieve them”.

40/One last thing……  Only one thing I guarantee is 100% to occur more than anything else in this world” Death”.

 

Sep. Oct. Nov. Dec.

GrandMa’s Gift

I remember one day my grandma gave me a little seed of plant, (can’t recall the plant name ) to sow it and I was so happy then because I want to have a big garden contains various different of plants, and I had to care for them every

single day, I pictured myself so vividly having this dream came true. I took the seed, sowed and every day I watered I never missed, but I noticed that the seed didn’t grow and I was taking care of it, So my mind began to play thoughts ( probably Lots of unrealistic and horrible ones )!

Troubling with Thoughts

I thought maybe the seed is dead, or maybe someone took it from here, or Oh the seed moved by itself to another place ( imagining seed has legs). or God doesn’t want this seed to be a plant or maybe the earth swallowed it and it never came back again, OMG there are lots of poor seeds down there need me to help them!  I got an imaginary mind back then.

I took a bold action right away grabbed an oar and begun to blow until  I reached the place where I put the seed, I found it was growing, it took a form of creating roots and it was like blooming, then I thought to myself I rushed, I stepped back regretted my behaviour toward the plant as if I was the reason of making her dead (actually I am the reason).

Why am I  telling you this

I looked at the calendar with horrible face and I cried (It’s September already)….what I have been scheduling this year to do it and I  counted the goals, I glanced at my notebook, looking for what I have been scheduling this year to do, and I  counted the goals I achieved and the goals didn’t achieve it yet and how much I progressed and how much time needs me to accomplish the rest of them, then I thought…okay Ray, are you getting better? I mean don’t look at those goals, but: at yourself, are you satisfied? Is this year made you found out who you are? explore more? regardless of what you achieved until now, do you feel the life in you? your values? changed? did you try something new? bold? challenging? have got new friends? are you align with what you want to be?

those questions and more I got to have to ask them to myself, I really enjoyed the answers, I interviewed myself and I felt a strange, awe and sizeableness voice came from nowhere asking questions and another strange strong voice replied with harmonizing, dignity and self-respect. I pictured two of them sitting on 2 black-legged stools on a giant glass square hovering over the air and it is all black.(I’ve got imaginary mind, btw)!

It’s blooming Inside! 

So I remembered my story with  the seed, and I recognized one extremely important thing, that every thing take time to bloom, even us as a human beings we develop and progress profoundly better through a series of choices, circumstances surround us, challenges,  and decisions we make, even when we fail, it does develop us.

So step by step we grow, it seems  boring process and makes no sense but when keep trying, when we try hard with patient, we progress deeply profound, the result doesn’t matter  at the time as long as we feel it deep inside we are making progressing, we are taking steps toward what we want and that what makes us great! what makes us a human being!

So my points are: 

  • do not worry If it seems like the End of the year is behind the door.
  • Take a deep breath and open your notebook.
  • try to ask yourself these questions and more depending on your personality and the goals you want to achieve
  • Set other goals with a timeline and break down the goals into small ones.
  • every week define yourself with the goals you set to achieve every week  ex: If you want to learn french, type on your notebook: you are a native French speaker. and start to figure out the steps take you to be native. so this week you gonna learn the basics, sign in on the class virtually or in person.and so on to other goals you have.
  • Don’t panic, If it seems like impossible, be flexible and commit to your goals.

 

 

The place where I started part:I

The Reason

I remember that place, I remember it so vivid, every time I look at the reason why I am here…….

Once I was on my work, handling calls, and serving the customers, sometimes got bored other times so energetic, there were times when I cried so much that some of the customers asked me why you sad, are you crying, what is the wrong with your voice, all these questions asked when I cried from someone didn’t see my face, just hear my voice.

 

Continue reading The place where I started part:I

I have this blog for over 6 years and this my second time to write a post .

Dear WPers:

I am always afraid to write something others don’t like, I just want to make myself open to everything, to criticism and given instructions to right my wrong.

I won’t be able to post on a daily basis, but I’ll keep posting every now and then so others people could take a time to proofread my writings.

Hello WPers

The Start

Apparently, this is my First post So I won’t take much time for telling you what I am up to making this blog.

So I was like: okay, This is A really New things to me and I grabbed A paper and A pen, why? well, I just thought maybe If I jot down quickly what I’ll be doing here, I would never find it so hard to post and having time to see others’ posts.

Introducing myself!

Thought of Introducing myself but, Y’know what? It doesn’t matter as the bloggers always you get to know them from their contents of their posts. So It is A really Nice Idea to keep following them ( me included too by the way!) and get to know them from their posts.

 

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 Let’s Start the Journey! 

 for you Have a nice Reading!

for me  have a Nice Blogging! 

 

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